Half-Self

I fear I’ll hurt you;
I fear I already have.
As I am but a residue
Of my past whole self,
That’s now on a dank, abandoned shelf

Lies through omission;
A charlatan.
Is not acting but glorified lying?

I fall into an abyss
From reminders past,
To ruin good things I dismiss.
I don’t deserve this

Damaged goods, baggage-filled,
Remnants of my former self.
A former dark dweller.
A contrast to you,
A knight of the light

I’m a cynic made from experience.

Jaded.

I favour you, admire you,
Like You
That’s why I fear even more
Of disapproval, of ridicule,
Of Judgement

I yearn to try
But I’m afraid of another goodbye

You know but a mere façade
Hiding facets in multitudes
Pungent despair it’s felt
Tumultuous history, affairs

My past will always haunt
Always feelings of guilt and shame

It’s still early days;
Don’t you deserve better than broken tatters?

I fear I’ll hurt you;
I fear I already have.

The Haunting

The haunting of a past
That’s sweet and sour
And blissful and tumultuous
Of burning desire

Of corsets burned
And windows barred
A firefly’s path is thwarted

All to the resonance of torrid fire burning
Maligned pure light extinguished

To lament the loss
And feel the churn
The internal agonising wail of souls
Delineate the error, one cannot
The done deed is done

Masonry misaligned
Crumbling rocks falling
Cracking and creaking as stone after stone falls
To the bottom of a deep glen

Pursue the future
Let go of past
Return no more to yonder days

Let Fate dictate
What is to be
And keep a hold of Faith

Renewed Hope

His sweetness, attentiveness, and thoughtfulness
Was it all real?

His kindness and his virtue
His pure intentions
All refreshing and new

But was it all real?

His rose-tinted glasses
They still cover the truth
His belief of her supposed perfection
Just saddens her

Her gladness of his presence
Still overshadowed by past bitterness
But his existence brightens her day

Life has left her jaded and twisted and damaged
But no one knows its depths
Least of all him

But he has given her a New Hope
She still has a chance
Maybe – just maybe