Half-Self

I fear I’ll hurt you;
I fear I already have.
As I am but a residue
Of my past whole self,
That’s now on a dank, abandoned shelf

Lies through omission;
A charlatan.
Is not acting but glorified lying?

I fall into an abyss
From reminders past,
To ruin good things I dismiss.
I don’t deserve this

Damaged goods, baggage-filled,
Remnants of my former self.
A former dark dweller.
A contrast to you,
A knight of the light

I’m a cynic made from experience.

Jaded.

I favour you, admire you,
Like You
That’s why I fear even more
Of disapproval, of ridicule,
Of Judgement

I yearn to try
But I’m afraid of another goodbye

You know but a mere façade
Hiding facets in multitudes
Pungent despair it’s felt
Tumultuous history, affairs

My past will always haunt
Always feelings of guilt and shame

It’s still early days;
Don’t you deserve better than broken tatters?

I fear I’ll hurt you;
I fear I already have.