Stubbornness

Wills colliding
Words battling
Strengths tested

Stubbornness, oh…

Refusal to listen
Only considering one’s own position

Not letting up
Not giving in

A never ending battle of wills is stubborness

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Personal Thoughts 009

There are times when it becomes obvious that I start to ruin my own relationships with people who I feel like I could connect with because of how I expect things to just go downhill — this is especially the case when everything seems to constantly be good and easy. Because of this thought, I just then subconsciously ruin everything myself through my own actions or inactions. It’s a horrible habit, I know, but it is hard to minimise my negative thoughts due to my own personal experiences. I’ll get there someday. Maybe. But for now, it seems like I’ve successfully kept people away from my true core. No one knows my whole truth regarding anything and everything.

Remorse

Signing onto my own demise
My downfall
My destruction
My ruination
My undoing
Just as one signs off one’s soul for hell
At the sounding of the final death knell
Cursed, as no one has foretold
Falling unto fire, if I may be bold

The cause of my lapse of judgement
My mistake
My indiscretion
My blunder
A horrible fall into a deep abyss
As one finally realises what is amiss
And one is nearing surrender
Towards that one contender

Refusing to admit it
Despite already being in a tar pit
Just constantly sinking ever deeper
As one’s resolution gets weaker

Buyer’s remorse
Just as Herod’s promise ricochets back
Eventuates with John’s death
One’s conscience attacked
As damnation endorsed

At the apex of one’s life
But falling too soon
Just to clamber back up at Recovery’s point

Desperation

To be lost and to claw for the light
As one hopes to get out of their plight
A miracle, a change…

Maybe?

To know that you’ve erred
And to have caused your own despair
Such blackness…

Bleak.

To know of a simple solution
For a relatively alright conclusion
But not having the courage to push through…

Pathetic.

To gamble for anything
To pass what is blocking
Yet the uncertainty of winning…

If one had heeded one’s own conscience
At the very beginning of everything
One’s troubled heart won’t beat a chorus of doom

For the doom and gloom one feels
Is one’s own fault
And there is no escaping it

As one moves on through life
Despair will one constantly encounter
Of faults one’s done or the case of another

Just plod on in this despair-ridden world
There’s nothing else to be done

Secrets

Hiding…
Secrets kept hidden

No words escape the mouth
Be safe
Be convincing

Keep hidden

Yet oh, so tempting…

The unraveling of revelations
The telling of truths

To keep words from one
A new tale weaved for another
Deception, half truths
Ease of secrecy implored

The temptation to reveal it all
Oh, the confusion it carries
As one, as a unit
It could all fall

But the thrill of a secret kept
It is addicting

Persona

The person we pretend to be
Is not always truly you or me
But a portrayal of what we want people to see

A mask to hide behind
Usually an invention from the mind
To protect ourselves from what we find
In this world

To hide the pain
To hide the faults
To hide the sorrow
To hide — yes, to hide
All those insecurities

Personas we create
We play
We act
We stage

The live production of life