Friendships, like all other relationships, are marred with just so many potholes and spikes, alongside the pleasanter side of the journey. When things are dandy, everything is wonderful, but when things get bumpy, it can be rather unpleasant — obviously.
All that was said above is the obvious general idea of what relationships are all about. It doesn’t take a genius to figure all that out. And, as it is always said, the personalities and ideals of the people involved always have a major role in how the friendship would play out.
As I cannot claim to know — 100% — what exactly someone else is feeling and thinking about in certain relational scenarios, I can only truly go on what I know about it myself.
Despite being a relatively empathic person, I feel I can be quite a cruel person. This side doesn’t usually come out a lot — rarely, if ever — but when it does, I’m usually very spot on in terms of where I should strike. But usually, I do the striking for the greater good, with well-meaning intentions. In the hopes that the other person will improve themselves and see the error of their ways that has caused harm to others. Like that one time a really, really long time ago (going on to 2-3 years now, I should say). Which took me, oh, only 7 years to have the courage to bring the issue up with the person. In turn, I expect the same, because, heck, I don’t want to be doing some harm to others without even knowing about it. It’s only right to be told, so I can do something about it.
But in terms of friendships, I do believe that the best ones are when both people are there for one another, to help each other grow, but not stifling each other so much that one person feels like they have a shock collar around their necks holding them in place and if the other is displeased, the one with the collar gets a nasty, nasty shock that slowly kills the relationship without the other person even knowing it.
That. Feeling tied up and inhibited by people. That usually kills a friendship for me. I feel like this is such a tremendous flaw of mine, but all I know is that I am averse to being clung to and when clung to, I have a strong sense to flee. And that includes even the closest of my friends. I suppose everyone has that feeling of fleeing from someone clingy, but couple that with someone who burdens you with all the negativity in their lives, down to their inconsiderate and spoiled nature, and rigid attitudes towards making a more positive change in their lives — foregoing some, if not all, the constant deplorably depressing thoughts — I will want to retire from the friendship. I’ll still be there for them, but the closeness that was once there will slowly disintegrate. This is not necessarily my own conscious doing, but more the fact that I just feel that the friendship has totally plateaued . I suppose this stems from the fact that I see friendship as an agreement where both support one another and push each other to become better people. That definitely involves also being there for the sour points of life as well, but if that one person just doesn’t seem to want to improve their situation and instead relishes the fact that they are cocooned in their own dismal existence, what am I supposed to do? I just don’t want to be sucked in even more into their abyss of cheerlessness than I already have.
I suppose it is my own fault really, since I thrive in an environment where my help is needed — and I won’t even expect anything in return, except for the knowledge that I’ve helped somehow — but when it has become apparent that I have become somewhat like a human emotional crutch, then I start to feel rather horrible, especially if the person has a rather narrow attitude towards life. For all the understanding, aid, compassion, and advice one dishes out to counter all the complaints they spill out, they make no effort in bettering themselves. Oh, I can’t say I’d halt the friendship right there and then, but I can identify a very poisonous and toxic friendship that would pull me down under to the bottom of the sea to drown with them; I just feel so drained and pruned out, I just feel the need to get away. Temporarily, maybe, but I wouldn’t even mind if it were for good.
Or I’m just extremely sensitive and selfish.
I have a nasty way of becoming very distant towards people who’ve gone overboard and taken advantage of me. I just become quite indifferent towards them and, even to me, that can be more cruel than being hated.
Boundaries are important.
I like to learn new things and make new experiences with people since that helps create great synergy within a friendship. I’m down to befriend people with polar opposite interests, but that won’t necessarily make them a close friend. I can’t rule the possibility out entirely, but all I know is that if someone isn’t accepting of differences in culture and ideals, then I just feel the urge to prune them out. If someone starts dictating to me, thinking they know what’s better in life for me, I’m sorry, but I will start forsaking the friendship right then and there, with the hopes that it will just fall away naturally. How can I trust someone with my friendship if they can’t even accept me for who I am, constantly making suggestions to make me someone I am not?
I guess I just like a friendship more when the persons befriended are unique, do their own thing fearlessly, are passionate about something, and have a zest for life. Even if the activity is to just sit together in silence while both are doing something on their own, I’ll be down for it.
Maybe I’ve just experienced too many heavy friendships to know what’s a good balance. But, in truth, an ideal friendship doesn’t just come into existence; it takes a whole lot of effort to make it one.