Just For Amusement 001

After having awoken from a dream reminder just an hour ago (4am), I needed some form of light amusement to get me back to sleep.

Since the day before was filled with talks of compatibilities, personalities, and astrology, I thought why not check my own birthday astrology.

Scarily enough, most of the first one is true. The Dreams and Goals section saddens me though; it would seem that I will always struggle with personal dreams, something of which I already feel today. But heck, I could manipulate my tendency to “tilt at windmills” in this regard somehow.

The Friends and Lovers section seems all too pessimistic on love, but then, most anything related to it for me has been disappointing and have seemingly failed. Most probably because I supposedly connect more through the intellect — which is quite true.

The second one is even more scary. Especially about me getting my best ideas from my sleep/dreams.

But I’m sure all this doesn’t rule my whole being, because astrology just hasn’t been scientifically proven to be true. A passing amusement, this was.


February 4 Birthday Astrology

Aquarians born on February 4 are intelligent and quirky and can give the impression of being “airheads”; in reality they are more practical than they seem. They are inspired by what can be achieved through hard work. They have enormous self-discipline and can be extremely austere when it comes to cutting unnecessary encumbrances.

Friends and Lovers

Strong friendships are among the greatest joys in the lives of February 4 people. They connect more on an intellectual than emotional level but don’t rule out a spiritual component. Unfortunately, they are often less successful in romantic relationships. They often fall in love with people who don’t live up to their standards.

Children and Family

February 4 natives learn many of their finest character traits from parents. They make the best-intentioned parents, though they have a tendency to be somewhat preachy. They are a strong force in the lives of their children and continue to play this role long after their youngsters are grown.

Health

February 4 people often learn mental toughness through physical self-discipline. They enjoy putting themselves through the paces. They enjoy the sense of power that comes from feeling fit and derive considerable satisfaction from staying young in body as well as in mind.

Career and Finances

Humanitarian and social issues are the chief concerns of people born on February 4. They are not interested in money for what it can buy but for what it can accomplish for others through them. They are never frivolous spenders.

Dreams and Goals

If only half the goals February 4 people envision come true, they will consider themselves fortunate. They often tilt at windmills, yet their deep commitment makes it impossible for them to behave any other way. They are often less successful with making their personal dreams come true.

Source:
http://entertainment.howstuffworks.com/horoscopes-astrology/february-4-birthday-astrology.htm


Birthday Persona Profile 
People born specifically on the 4th of February are believed to have an adventurous purposeful spirit along with their typical slightly eccentric Aquarian nature. The planet that rules this particular day astrologically is Uranus which also determines all water bearer personalities. If you have this birthday the double influence of this celestial body gives you strong individualistic and humanitarian traits. Your quirkiness is coupled with excellent self discipline, a good memory and powerful concentration skills. You possess your own unique way of thinking and doing things and will often come up with innovative ideas. Individual’s with a February the fourth birthday are highly responsible and have a moralistic outlook. You can also be a bit of a workaholic and may find it difficult to switch off and relax. This does not seem to deter you from seeking someone special to love who has similar interests and views to share your life with. 

Work and Finances 
Work is considered quite a high priority to a person born on the fourth of February. Your altruistic concern for human welfare will usually determine the kind of job you choose although you are capable of almost any occupational tasks. Individuals with this particular birth date need to feel useful and valued when working. You realize the importance of finances but do not let this dictate your occupation choice. Managing financial matters comes easily to you and so you are able to get by on any level of income. You are also adept and disciplined at saving rarely needing to borrow or acquire credit. 

Personal Relationships 
For an Aquarian, the person born on the fourth day of February is conventional in their seemingly aloof and somewhat cautious approach to romantic involvements. You consider friendships to be very important and generally search for more intellectual unions than emotional ones. Even though you are wary of sacrificing your independence you yearn for the warmth, understanding and security of a long term personal relationship. Many potential partners will often fail to live up to your big expectations and this can mean that it takes a while for you to settle down. In a long term trusting partnership your soul mate lover will be exclusively privy to your intensely passionate and thoughtful side. Once fully committed to somebody you are likely to be extremely loyal and supportive and your own needs will normally take a back seat. 

Health 
Possible problems with health experienced by those born on February 4th are usually connected to your over active lifestyle. You like to keep busy and at the same time you hope to look as young in body as you are in mind. People born on this day often enjoy challenging their physical endurance levels and may be especially keen on keeping fit but should watch out for muscle strains to which they are prone. You love to be knowledgeable about the latest developments in how to maintain healthiness through the right foods and exercise. An enjoyment of food and cooking is another of your fortes that will help your vitality. 

Strengths and Weaknesses 
Your main strengths of character are highlighted in your bold liveliness, sincerity and purposive attitude. These characteristics and your independent thought and slight eccentricity help you progress and cope well with the majority of life circumstances. Being unrealistic and behaving erratically are the major weaknesses of the personality noticed for those born on February 4th. These negative sides to your individuality are mostly evoked when you have things on your mind or upset by something or someone. Your reactions in these situations are often short lived but they can be alarming to others. 

Dreams and Goals 
Being born on the 4th of February usually means that you will have an abundance of dreams and goals due to your resolute and adventuresome manner. Your desire to help others and fill your life with activity and companionship helps you easily decide life directions and aspirations. However many hopes and aims you have for the future they will probably include the longing for a secure loving relationship. Although not always obviously apparent this is ordinarily one of your biggest wishes to make your life feel complete. You are also inclined to come up with many of your best ideas when dreaming. 

Birthday Luck and Significance 
As you were born on the fourth day of the month the digit Four is designated as your special birthday Root number. This numerical reference to your day of birth has the keyword ‘Honesty’ and emphasizes your sense of responsibility and conscientiousness. The Tarot card most associated with your birthday is the 4th in the Major Arcana, the Emperor, it reveals your bold and steadfast approach to life. The luckiest gem for February the fourth birthdays is considered to be Topaz. This precious stone should be worn or carried for an added air of confidence, calm or creativity and for an increase in luck. 

Summation 
All Aquarians are thought to be astrologically influenced by the cosmic forces of the planet Uranus and you are no exception. However, the actual day you were born on, the fourth of February is also dominated by this planetary influence duplicating its impression on your personality. This creates and explains your large amount of spirited energetic individuality and your kind compassionate mannerisms. It also endows you with the ability to concentrate intensely and organize effectively. These attributes and your caring, unconventional and inventive thought can assist in making anything you set your mind to happen. Knowing yourself better and laughing and relaxing a little more should help you make emotional interactions easier. A final thought for people born on February the 4th is to try and not let worries build, sharing and talking about them is advised.

Source:
http://www.gotohoroscope.com/birthday-horoscopes/february-4th.html

Musicology 005

Perpetual Anticipation from the musical A Little Night Music

This song is very deep and very true.

Ah, Sondheim. Thank you so much for your immense contribution to musical theatre — truly admirable.

LYRICS:
MRS. NORDSTROM:
Perpetual anticipation is good for the soul
But it’s bad for the heart.
It’s very good for practicing self-control,
It’s very good for morals, but bad for morale.
It’s very bad.
It can lead to going quite mad.
It’s very good for reserve and learning to do what one should.
It’s very good.
Perpetual anticipation’s a delicate art,
Playing a role,
Aching to start,
Keeping control
While falling apart.
Perpetual anticipation is good for the soul
But it’s bad for the heart.

MRS. SEGSTROM:
Perpetual anticipation is good for the soul
But it’s bad for the heart.
It’s very good for practicing self-control,
It’s very good for morals, but bad for morale.
It’s too unnerving.
It’s very good, though, to have things to contemplate.
Perpetual anticipation’s a delicate art,
Aching to start,
Keeping control
While falling apart.
Perpetual anticipation is good for the soul
But it’s bad for the heart.

MRS. ANDERSSEN:
Perpetual anticipation is good for the soul
But it’s bad for the heart.
It’s very good, though, to learn to wait.
Perpetual anticipation’s a delicate art,
Keeping control
While falling apart.
Perpetual anticipation is bad for the heart

Architecture vs Journalism

Or rather, architecture and design vs journalism and mass communication.

Those are the main things I’ve been looking at.

I feel quite ambivalent about the two. Well, mostly towards architecture because I’ve already experienced what it would be like if I were to pursue it. I know I have great interest in it and I sort of have the knack for it. It would be nice to design my own house one day, but that really is about it. I’d like to help with urban planning, but knowing someone with that specific degree and him telling me that he’s still jobless after having graduated for awhile now…well, to say the least, it was very off putting.

I just really want a degree where I can help make the world a better place and I don’t know if I could actually do that with an architecture degree. Sure, I could go ahead and build public housing for the homeless and poor, but most of the time, my designs are just too impractical and would probably cost a lot more to build than what the budget dictates. I may enjoy doing the floor plan part, but when it comes to materials to be used, I falter and am not confident enough to stick to what I’ve said, because I’m scared that a building I’ve designed might collapse and all the inhabitants inside would die. And I’d be to blame.

Hmmm…that’s similar to the reason why I didn’t go after a career in medicine. I like helping people feel better, but I just have this fear that I could kill someone accidentally. And then I’d be to blame.

Lives of people cannot be played with and someone who has more confidence in their abilities should be the ones taking care of those areas.

I’m just better with theory.

Back to architecture though. Due to my dad’s credibility, good work ethic, knowledgeability, work experience, and reliability (duly respected), I know I’m already guaranteed a job if I actually graduated with an architecture degree at his work place. I’m not saying that in a snobbish, self assured way. I’m saying that because a job there’s already been offered to me even at the beginning of my second year in architecture. I naturally kept my answer as vague as possible, because I already had another job lined up and I was already having my doubts by then.

But I don’t know if I want what my dad has now. Every single day, I see him working hard, managing subcontractors, handling meetings, and doing quality checks; he has a lot more responsibilities than the ones I’ve mentioned, with a really huge scope to deal with as well. If something goes wrong in the construction phase or when the resort is already operating (nearly the whole FOH HLS and gaming area is his scope. And having seen and worked in his office, it’s an extremely big deal), it would fall on my dad’s shoulders. His stress levels are so high he doesn’t even spend enough time at home; we barely ever get time with him since he’s always working overtime to deal with backlogs caused by the incompetent subcontractors he has to deal with. Those drawing packages, I’ve seen them. I’ve also seen his work space — it’s covered all over with papers stacked so high, he barely has room to do any work (he already has the biggest workspace compared to everyone else too). Samples are also all over his area. He never has time for himself since he has so many meetings to attend and so much work to do. Toilet breaks are nearly an impossibility for him even. Because of all this, he wants to quit and retire and garden in the countryside. With our whole family in tow, of course

As an aside though, my dad’s already showing signs of losing his mind, as he suddenly started laughing maniacally about something one day. We laughed along, because it’s pretty rare to see him laugh (he usually sits quietly, even at the dinner table, not really listening to any of us. Actually, dinnertime is a very quiet affair on most nights — unless my brother decided to do or say something random or when my mom brings up some deep conversational topics. My dad rarely joins in, but when he does, he usually just listens. When he does talk, it is dang deep.) and it really isn’t an uncommon behaviour in our family. The crazier, the better sometimes. Also, I think insanity runs on our family branch (my dad’s brother and sister seem quite normal), as my brother and I will sometimes laugh at nothing or just say some weird whimsical shiz no one else understands but the two of us. Hmmm…my mom’s the most normal person in our family, it seems.

I don’t want that life. I just can’t. I’d die with so much work and so many responsibilities. So much pressure from different sides to get work done (construction is so fast, their target is a floor per week). I don’t want to reach a point where I just want to give up and do nothing, just as my dad wishes now.

I know my dad loves work. He’s a workaholic, just as I know I can be. Like father, like daughter, no? I know I can tolerate working long monotonous hours — just as it was back in IB — but I don’t know if I can work forever like that (never ending work, it is. Once something is completed, another package needs to be dealt with, which could be riddled with mistakes that need to be corrected (which involves the drawings being passed back and forth until everything is correct). After that, another package comes. Then another, and another, and another. And another. Until the project is done. But then, the client could want something else added, which means another few years. Seems never ending, in my opinion.). I don’t want to end up like my dad. I understand his point of view, and that probably has had an impact on my decision to switch majors. I just really don’t want to end up in the same situation.

I actually remember something my dad said to me a long time ago. He was questioning me whether I truly wanted architecture. “Are you sure?” he’d said. I said I was, knowing the stability it would bring, still idealising it. Two months ago, after having seen his workload during the summer, I had asked him why he picked architecture. His reply was that he liked to draw growing up and so people suggested he take architecture. He wanted to become a doctor, but his older sister (my aunt, obviously. She didn’t actually finish, because she got pregnant then married midway.) was already going into the medical tract and they couldn’t afford two people going after medicine, so he had to pick something else. If he’d known the work he had to do now, he said he would have picked anything else but architecture.

I can’t say he doesn’t like architecture, but I’m sure his workload made him say that. But if that’s what it would be like in the long haul, I really don’t think I’d like it. My dad has designed other houses outside of his work here, like our own house in the Philippines (which is bigger than what we’ve been accustomed to, having lived in apartments most of our lives) and some other people’s houses (family friends) in the Philippines. His best work though is our house. It really is quite nice, and I know my dad put his whole heart and soul into it’s construction, because, after all, it has always been his dream to have his own house for his own family. So I guess he does like some aspects of it. Maybe just not the construction industry.

Architecture. He managed it okay so far. Until now. But he’s had a great career to look back on, so it was worth it for him, I hope.

It would be nice to be an architect, because…well, it sounds nice. But that alone? I don’t know. Would it be fulfilling for me? I’m not sure.

I know I would do alright with architecture, once I’ve put my whole mind to it. But I just doubt my abilities too much. And my passion for it is less than my passion for writing — by a small margin — so maybe writing is more for me. Architecture would have been a safe bet for me, true, but I don’t really think it would have been as fulfilling for me as writing (or something related to it) would be.

Are these all just words to justify my choice not to continue with architecture? Maybe. But they also are how I’ve always felt about architecture. Just pure doubt. And if I doubt myself, how will I ever perform well?

As for writing and journalism and mass communication. I doubt myself in this area as well. But in a different way.

I know I have talent enough for the written word. It needs to be trained up and polished up a bit more, but I think I do have what it takes. I’ve got the crazy writer’s mind, with crazy thoughts and worlds and ideas whirling about in there. I just doubt if I could actually find stability with it. The point of getting a degree in the first place is to get a job after graduating, no? Or maybe that’s just how most Asians see…

I know I could do some small good with my writings — write some inspirational shiz and stuff like that, something similar to the concept of Orwell’s 1984 maybe (get people thinking about the society we live in and all that). Maybe even write a screenplay or do something with film. Or even a documentary. I have a lot of ideas right now. In any case, I know there will be a lot of financial struggles involved with this career. But I feel like this is really what I need to be doing.

To sum up, it’s either I pick pressured stability or inspired poverty. And because I feel my true calling is anything to do with writing and spreading messages through the written word, I’m picking inspired poverty.

Something else to add to this though. My parents are pretty cool with my decision; they’re happy so long as I’m happy. Although my dad did make a comment that amused me. When I finally told them what my decision was, my dad just told me if I did end up marrying, he’s hoping the guy has a stable career (hoh boy. Some standards have just been made. *chuckles* Never ever until then did he mention me ever ending up with someone eventually. He always hoped I’d just become a nun. Me, a nun…I don’t know, Dad. Maybe. We’ll see how things go.) and can support a family well enough. My one remaining grandparent however was not too keen on the idea that I switch out of architecture, because her mindset is that so long as there’s money, there should be nothing else to worry about; one is basically set for life. But no. That’s selfish. And that’s empty. I don’t want to do something for money. Ever. Okay, maybe to be able to live with some little comforts like food and a roof, then money wouldn’t be bad. But I want to do something worthwhile. And because of that, I’m going to prove her wrong — I really hope I can show her that meaning behind what one does to help our fellow man is more important than wealth and money.

So yeah. I’m going to have an impoverished future. But so long as I’ve got God, then I’m set.

Matthew 6:25-34 (English Standard Version [ESV])

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Hopeless Romantic

A hopeless romantic
The good and the promising
On a loop
In the mind

Oh, just in the mind

Ack — Love, to enact
Not to detract
From the living
And the learning

Ah, to love the idea of love

To see the roses
Believing love stories
Ah, those happy endings
With joyful leading gents and ladies

Oh, to love the idea of love

Seems an impossible task
When reality hits you in the face
Boom smack!

Pah!
Hopeless romantic indeed
Not ever so
Never was

Love’s no dalliance
No easy waltz to dance
Ain’t no constant snuggle-bunny kisses
Neither shooting stars for granting wishes

Love is work and toil
Like a growing tree in the soil
To be watered and tended
Withstanding any storm to be weathered

Shared cups of coffee or tea
The truth of each other to clearly see
When sitting across one another
With eyes alighted with good humour

Let there be no false illusions to coddle
Hide not things in an inner bottle
Trust, honesty, and truthfulness
With those, a union is blessed

Oh, those hopeless romantics
Idealists in love with love
When love, t’were not that simple as loving the idea

Oh, let the hopeless romantics dream
Let their worlds not be too grim
As they dream for their fairytale endings
With a royally grand wedding