Personal Thoughts 003

Some days have passed since I wrote the last post regarding the plan being spread around our household on the matter of returning to the homeland, and my mind has shifted on the matter yet again.

Despite my thoughts that it would be better in the homeland for us in some instances, my mind has done a whole 180 degrees shift after considering other new factors that I did not mention or think about previously.

Mostly, I’ve been asking around — specifically Clara and Ned (names have been changed) — about their opinion on the different teaching styles most likely present in the different universities. And from what I’d gathered from them has gotten me even more confused.

From Ned alone, seeing as he studied for at least one semester back in the homeland, he said that it was very constricting there and there really wasn’t a lot of freedom to do what he wanted to do. Granted, he was just there for a brief time, he said, so he could be wrong in that regard. He also added that there was a lot more creative freedom in terms of design at the university I’m already at.

Clara similarly echoed Ned’s words; creativity is focused on more and there is a lot more freedom in what we could do with our designs — plus our time as well. She never studied back in the homeland, however, but her opinion on the matter came form the fact that her year visited an architecture university back at our homeland for a brief period. While they were there, she noticed how the quality of the models they made were just very different to the aesthetics we are so very used to working with where we are now. From the photos she showed me alone, regarding the work they’ve made, it lacked a certain finesse and chic quality — to me, what they made could be considered cheap looking.

Now, what I’m saying isn’t that the quality of work from the university I will end up in in our homeland will be similarly — for lack of a better word — under qualified. It could just be so in that one university alone.

She also noted how unfamiliar the students were at the university they visited with 3D programming and computer related architecture work. They were never taught AutoCAD and relied heavily on drawing everything out on paper. When Clara and her year shared their knowledge on computer rendering techniques (using Rhino as an example), they were fascinated and wanted to learn. I fear that this might just be the case when I do go back to the homeland — I won’t learn as much as I could on computer based design.

Having looked at the prospectus provided for by the university I am most likely to attend, there is a lot of emphasis on the maths side (almost seems very engineering), as well as on drawing and rendering by hand. I know that I am indeed quite weak with the drawing part, merely because when I did art in high school, I mostly did what I wanted to do (and I created very random pieces that really just came out of what I felt like doing at different moments in time), and never really focused on working on my detailing and technical drawing skills. Where I am now as well, we didn’t really spend too much time on the basics of technical drawing (and Dad points that out to me a lot). We haven’t been taught anything much about construction detailing either.

Gosh, having just written that, I’m even more confused than ever. If I stayed where I am, I will get to focus more on what I want to make and be freely creative. If I went back with the whole family, I would be able to learn the basics of technical drawing. They are both so balanced out in terms of pros and cons that it’s difficult to chose one over the other.

*sigh*

I may seem like I don’t understand some of the things going on around, due to my default poker face and display of apathy towards most things, but I do feel a lot and think things through a lot. I am aware of most things you’ve shared with me before you mention them, but I usually just prefer to listen, since I don’t see why I need to say what’s on my mind at times, because sometimes I am just misinterpreted.

But yeah. Writing this just made me confused and I really don’t know anymore again. And as you always say, I’ll just keep on praying about all of my worries like always.

Maybe I should just switch courses and forget all about this. From the beginning, I’ve always had doubts about my own ability to sustain long enough in architecture. This could be  sign to switch over to something else now before it’s too late. Communication and Media maybe? I’ve already met a lot of people that say I seem more like someone who belonged in that course anyhow.

I don’t know. I just don’t know.

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