Life and Inconstancy

Life is.

 

All the possibilities it carries, as well as all the hope, happiness, and goodwill, make it worth our while. And, in fact, we don’t really have a say in the matter. Life is just intrinsically a part of all of us (unless, of course, you are the living undead…but in that case, one can argue that you still do have a life, hypothetically speaking…).

With the ability to live, we are all undoubtedly handed opportunities throughout our lifetime, in whichever generation each of us may belong in. We take up some opportunities, while we let go of others for something deemed worthier of our attention. Regardless of that, I firmly do believe that all things that do end up taking place and getting a chance at our lives’ center-stage happened for reasons we may or may not know, and will always be worth our time and thought, despite changes that inevitably occur.

All of the above is pretty generic. It’s all common knowledge and I haven’t really shared anything new there. But I found this all to be true from my own experience.

I’ll share some personal tales here, just to demonstrate.

 

When moving to Macau around 9 years ago, change was undeniably at the forefront of the move. From a young age, I’d already gotten used to the idea of accepting change at a moment’s notice since stability was always in question. This really was due to my dad having a tendency to worry about stability constantly, which influenced me into thinking that things could fall apart at any time. My dad is more or less a somber fellow, always pointing out the negatives — he argues that it’s being realistic — so, naturally, his manner greatly affected the very impressionable child that I was.

Life Lesson #1: Don’t get too comfortable with anything, because the only thing certain is change.

 

I got enrolled into a school. And I eventually began to attend classes, of course. The first friend I made here remains a memorable person in my life as we both went through a lot together. In fact, I’d have to be honest and say that she was pretty much the only person my age I allowed to get close for many years. She even said that she considered me a sister. Being me, I held back from committing to such a — how to put this — label.

From early on, it was obvious that our personalities were on totally opposite sides of the spectrum; she was completely outgoing, while I tended to look more inward. This worked out quite well, actually. She’d pull me out of my shell occasionally, and I forced her to reflect before acting. But as the years went by, we both changed and grew even more apart in relation to our personalities. Due to this, we nearly always ended up disagreeing in our last year of high school as she was constantly judging how I was supposedly wasting my youth away, pushing me into situations I did not like. I became passively aggressive towards everything she said to me, while she just seemingly increased her efforts to supposedly change me into “someone more fun”. I got tired of this stressful interaction between us because I felt like we had both reached a plateau in our friendship where we both just couldn’t understand each other anymore. There came a time when she did something that just totally broke the trust I placed in her and I just couldn’t take it any longer. What with how things had been throughout that time, it just was the final straw. After thoughtfully deliberating what could be done, I decided to slowly disengage myself, after talking things out with her. I feel like I made the right decision here because we were both just hurting each other; I felt like she was manipulating me, ignoring the fact that I needed to make my own life decisions, while she probably felt shunned by me avoiding her.

Looking back, my actions may have seemed cold and callous, but to me, I felt relieved and freed from a burden. We both recently chatted and caught up, and I do think that what had occurred helped both of us in some way. I learned to stand up for myself and who knows what she may have learnt (although it would be nice if that lesson were to know to put appropriate boundaries between herself and others).

Life Lesson #2: Everything happens for a reason, even though it may not be clear at the time things seem to be unraveling.

 

I could continue on, really, but doing so would be too tedious. Too tedious to write and too tedious to read.

 

I’ve lived. I’ve learned. But all I’ve seen and experienced still isn’t enough for me to say that I know everything there is to know about life. I doubt anyone will ever know the full breadth of life really. There’s so much more to do in life than could possibly be lived through.

I anticipate both the hurts and the joys life will bring, whose presence spices life up.

 

All I know is that from what I’ve learnt, I have developed a morbid fascination for death due to its close connection to the act of living.

 

Life simply is.

 

AND just because I can, here’s Lion King‘s Circle of Life

 

Ah, Disney. The things we learn from song.

 

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